I’m really anxious.
Having a lot of thoughts at once is difficult. Surrender is such an interesting topic. It’s like essential for the Christian faith, and yet impossible at the same time. We can never truly accomplish it and yet, we should never quit attempting it. When is something considered surrendered in God’s eyes? When we say we want to? when we actually attempt? when we accomplish for a month, a year? Ever? I know that I want to surrender everything that is hindering my walk with God on principle alone. But, I can’t seem to really do it or even figure out what all those things are. You been there?
I want what God wants. But I don’t know what he wants. Sometimes I assume. Thus, sometimes I am wrong and it’s back to what I want. I don’t think I know how to be selfless for like 17 hours in a row. I just don’t. So can I ever really serve God? really serve him to my potential? Really serve him like I should?
How do you know when God has changed you? When you feel enough of a change? When someone else senses it and tells you? When you can look waaay back and think you can tell a difference? How do you know when God needs to change you? When someone else tells you? when you just feel it? When God literally hits you with an object of sorts?
How do you know when your in love? When you feel it? Even I say no to that one. When you want to say it once? When you want to say it 10 times but fought them each off? When you fully grasp how God loves you first? When you fully grasp how God loves his people? When you willingly choose to in a difficult circumstance? When your convinced marriage will follow? When you any well time please?
I don’t know. Maybe one of you does.
On a separate note. I just learned tonight to never doubt the person in the people. People are easy to judge, easy to group into a category, easy to write off. But the passion in a person is unparalleled and should never be questioned. I’m bad with joking when I shouldn’t. I don’t realize how I offend people. It’s not fair. I am sorry. But the person who is fighting the good fight for the Lord never ceases to amaze me. I am blown away, encouraged and inspired. Maybe that makes up for all the questions above I couldn’t answer…